Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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