I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
