I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
