I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
