Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
