One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he fucked my hip out of place.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
