dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize