I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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