I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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