i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
