Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
