i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize