whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
