I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
