I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
