please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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