Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
