For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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