If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
