i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
