I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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