Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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