woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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