We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
