Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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