My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
