You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
