im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
