I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
there is glitter all over my balls
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