He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
