I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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