PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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