i already hear my dad disowning me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize