Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
