she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
birth control should be required to get into college
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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