We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
