Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
