Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
