i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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