i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
