WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
home. puking in laundry basket.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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