All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
