Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
