You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
