I wish my penis had an off switch
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
