The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
