Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
