Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i love accidental penises.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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