so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
