After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
