I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
