I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
