Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
