I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
