Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
