No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
