mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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