I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
