So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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