What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So squirting runs in the family.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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