You just made me feel so damn special
I wish I only lived at night.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
