Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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