she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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