I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
