Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
