isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I need water and some morals
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
