we're blogging at a bar
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How external is "for external use only"?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You were trust falling into bushes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
