My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
