you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
3 2 1 whiskey
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
